Bye Bye Paper Baby....

Your dossier is out fo your hands....now what?

Though it could be up to 2 years before your child comes home, there ar emany things you can do to prepare your heart, mind and home. This portion of the process can be the greatest time of stretching and spiritual growth if you allow it to be. Some families have an extremely difficult time during the wait for their children to come home. There is a tendancy to build up such an expectation for their arrival that when they finally come home and the expectations are not met, an emotional bottoming out can occur, affecting the bonding process. To this end, be careful about how much time you spend on the computer in research and forums as it can be a silent thief of your time with your birth children, family, spouse, friends and church. So what DO you do during this time?

- Yes, you guessed it: PRAY! Pray for your child by name, the orphanage they are staying in, the staff of that orphanage, the government and your process as well as the preparation of your heart for that special, once in a lifetime moment you meet your child for the first time!

- GET A LIFE! Don't make adoption forums and chat rooms where you spend your every waking moment. And for your own sanity and well-being, don't take everything you read in there to be gospel truth. Just as with anything else on the internet, there are people with hidden agendas, misinformation and non-sense gossip that can really subtly send you into a downward spiral of doubt and confusion. If you have any questions or concerns, go straight to your agency or adoption liason.

- Start experimenting with recipes! Once you feel you have gotten the hang of a few good Haitian dishes, experiment with their freezing and storage capabilities. It will be a great weight off of you to be able to have a freezer stocked full of familiar foods when your child(ren) comes home. This way your focus can be solely on them and not the meals.

- Learn a few necessary phrases in their language to help you ease through the transition phrase. Because most language courses teach you what to say and not necessarily how to understand what is being said to you, we have complied a list of phrases most commonly used by the children once home.

- Research pediatricans in your area known for their experience with internationally adopted children. Set up an appointment for an interview and ask them questions like: which immunizations they recommend, what blood tests will they run, which diseases will they specifically test for. Click here for a helpful resource for this interview.

- Research education options. If you choose to homeschool, copies of the tests taken at the orphanage can help you determine the right curriculum for your new child. Many families wait at least a month after the child is home before they start the curriculum search and schooling process. Remember, the language barrier may prove to be a greater obstacle than you are anticipating and it may take several months just to overcome that before any real schooling can begin! For those intending to put their children into public or private school, talk to you school's education specialist to learn more about their ESL programs and what the best fit for your child should be. It would also be wise to discuss the level of interaction you would like there to be between your child and his/her teacher. Some families feel any physical or emotional comfort or affirmation is detrimental to the attachemnt/bonding process, while others are more lax on this particular issue. Only you can determine what will best suit your families needs. Give yourself the freedom to experiment with what works best for your child. There are many books on attachment and bonding. Check with your social worker for more information.

You finally got the call to go pick up your child(ren). Here are a few things you need to know for the trip home:

- Back a diaper bag or backpack for each child that includes a change of clothes, a bottle and the formula they are currently on (babies only) or snacks (older children), small age-appropriate toys, coloring books and crayons. Remember to pack climate-appropriate clothing for arrival in your hometown.

- Immigration lines can be excessively long. This is where snacks and sweaters come in handy as many immigration offices are very cold. For children used to extreme ly hot climates with no air conditioning, this can be both uncomfortable and a health risk.

- Pack Ziploc bags and sanitary wipes as many children become ill during the flight home. Be as prepared as possible for this scenario.

Now comes the REAL fun! Your child is home! You never thought the day would actually come when you are looking back in the rearview mirror of the car, watching their eyes light up in wonder at the bright lights of the big city. Joy and excitement may begin to share the spotlight with the nagging question: what do I do now?